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| 04:33pm 07/07/2004 |
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mood:  numb
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who holds the truth and why can't i touch its purity even if it uncovers horrors i need lucidity... my heart has grown so paper thin... is it too much to pray for veracity? |
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| This song is my soul right now |
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| 05:15pm 12/06/2004 |
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mood: melancholy
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The newest sarah mclachlan cd sings to me... it just hits so hard, like it was made for what i am going thru in my life right now. It just says so much that i need to hear right now... like i could be saying the words straight from my heart.... it offers some comfort.
Am I faithful, am I strong,am I good enough to belong
in your reverie a perfect girl
Your vision of romance is cruel and all along I played the fool
all your expectations bury me
Chorus:
Don't worry you will find the answer if you let it go
give yourself some time to falter
But don't forgo knowing that you're loved no matter what
and everything will come around in time
I own my insecurities I try to own my destiny
That I can make or break it if I choose
But you take my words and twist them 'round
'till I'm the one who brings you down
Make me feel like I'm the one to blame for all of this...
Chorus:
Don't worry you will find the answer if you let it go
give yourself some time to falter
But don't forgo knowing that you're loved no matter what
and everything will come around in time
You need everybody with you on your side
Know that I am here for you but I hope in time
You'll find yourself alright alone
You'll find yourself with open arms
You'll find yourself you'll find yourself in time
The riot in my heart decides to keep me open and alive
I have to take myself away from you
'cause I can't compete I can't deny there's nothing that I didn't try
how did I go so wrong in loving you
Chorus:
Don't worry you will find the answer if you let it go
give yourself some time to falter
But don't forgo knowing that you're loved no matter what
and everything will come around in time
- "Perfect Girl" by Sarah McLachlan |
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| i laugh... haha |
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| 07:48pm 26/05/2004 |
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mood:  jubilant
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wow i find it humerous when ppl say they are trying to protect my feelings, when really they need to wake up and smell the coffee and realize i dont give a shit... like they would like to believe i still cared... srry i have my own life...haha funny..
but anyways tomorrow is the last day of school yay!!! im so excited, i have a feeling this summer is gonna be lots of fun, and i think i will accomplish a lot as far as my book, yay :) im going to miss my friends and seeing them at school but i shall be back in august... by that time u are so bored off ur rocker that u just want school to start but then after a couple months into the year ur like... man... i wihs it was summer... ha! us humans... never satisfied, oh well i am satisfied for the most part, i feel good and no worries now that finals ( all my hard ones) are done with, i have 2 tomorrow but easy ones... well i should get back to studying my vocab and watching fantasia ahah, i wanted to see mickey with his wizard hat and watch the hippos dance! |
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| 66 thousand miles an hour |
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| 03:49pm 08/05/2004 |
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mood: touched
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hello everyone, i am bored as hell this weekend, i passed out at 9 last night, it was rather sad, and today i cleaned my room and watched meet joe black, and soon i will be hopping in the shower and then probably making myself up all nice only to sit at home all night... that's about the norm tho, but it's cool i'm down with that, maybe i will write... today feels like a good day for that.
hmm so the end of the school year is winding down fast, i can't believe it... it seems like just yesterday it was christmas time and i was coming home every night to christmas lights and paper snowflakes taped up in the windows... it felt comforting... i love that time where things just slow down and if you were to look out the window you'd see the city hustling and bustling, but you don't... you don't want to... you close the blinds and just let time tick by slowly and beautifully caught in a time warp so it seems... just to get away... |
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| i follow you around.... in the background |
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| 02:45pm 04/05/2004 |
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mood:  scared
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yesterday was the worst day ever...im the worst with what ifs... i just can't shake it from my head, just the the thought of maybe haunts me even tho in reality everything is alright. think about what it would be like if you were so small once again and you could have a flower that lived forever, it would never die as long as you kept it, it was a small thing seemingly to others but to you it was the sweetness of life and oh so special and like a little child you carried it around holding on to it tightly in the palm of your small hand, protecting it from the wind and the rain and whatever other perils may threaten it, and after the day was over and the sun gently set as night came over the sky you went to bed and you layed it gently next to you in your bed, and every morning woke to it as the morning light broke through your window, imagine if you lived in a world where this is what mattered most....
and then what if one day you awoke to realize you had crushed the rose in your sleep and it was dead in pieces... and by your own hand
But this is just a what if...the flower is safe...and the nightmare drifts away...however shadow still lingers over me...a flash of lightening comes so close to hitting u and ur sure it will for an instant but somehow it doesnt
i kno this entry is kinda cryptic but it's just my way of saying what's on my mind |
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| hmmm |
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| 05:45pm 27/04/2004 |
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mood:  blah
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havent updated in a while, things have been boring and theres nothing really to talk about, been feeling down lately, went back on my antidepressants, but they only seem to be helping with my tiredness, i still feel bad, but its not like anything happened to make me feel bad i just have been feeling that way lately, maybe it's just the stress of school, it brings me way down being at school all day blah I hate TAKS testing schedule, i hate 45 min lunches where i can find no one and have nothing to do! oh well i won't babble on anymore today, adios! |
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| ok heres the poem... |
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| 10:11pm 17/04/2004 |
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mood:  tired
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ok, i dunno if i really like this one that much, i need to fix it up, but i'll share anyway...
Vera Bellezza by Dorea N.
Now tell me where beauty truly lies
is it in the eyes
of that living, breathing work of art?
is it in the heart
of that precious one with the innocence of a child?
and all the while
tracing back to the heart of someone you adore
digging and delving and reaching for more
so close to you, you feel their life
warmth so poignant like the tip of a knife
yet gentle, so delicate
light flashes around you at an inconceiveable rate
but your eyes still fixated
it seems destiny has fated and this is why you waited
a breath and a whisper
emotions stir and visions blur
into the vehemence of your souls...
~~~
I can taste perfection
gazing into the reflection
of eyes that speak a thousand silent words
in all this i hear a closemouthed cry
tell me a secret and i know why
i can touch glory
and tell an epic story
voiceless and taciturn
these eyes will burn
a rapturous stare
the two sets lock together as a pair
all else fades, left only with the bare, to realize
i have found where true beauty really lies... |
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| lovely |
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| 10:37pm 13/04/2004 |
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mood:  loved
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hello feeling lovely today, and just wrote a lovely poem, would love to share but my bed is looking awfully lovely at the moment and oh how i would love a little extra sleep, so you will have to wait, i'll just add it to this lovely post... hehehe ok sorry guys... i'm out |
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| in my private nation |
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| 02:24pm 08/04/2004 |
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mood:  irritated
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howdy people, um yea well I'm in 4th period on the day before break with a sub and nothing to do... can someone say loooooong hour and a half... oh well, but ya i found out today why my teacher hasnt been here for 2 1/2 weeks, cuz she broke her leg :( eeek, i feel bad for her, i am gonna buy her a card and like a bear or soemthing, no, not to suck up or anything just cuz i wanna do something nice for her. ya well in the last two nights i've gotten a total of 3 and a half hours of sleep, yes lovely i kno, but im still standing and i'm actually not tired. so hmm in the last 2 weeks about i've lost 9 pounds, i've been kinda preoccupied with other stuff and havent given much thought to food.... god all day today people have been really irritating me... i mean not like im gonna snap and bite someone's head off but i mean i've been frustrated with people at school, and i mean that's every day cuz i hate high school so much but more so today, it's probably the lack of sleep... but no don't worry if i like you and we're cool i'm not gonna turn into a ferocious bitch on you... hopefully not anyway... haha... nah i control my temper pretty well unless you really piss me off and i despise you ::Cough:: you know who ::Cough:: man.. i have a four day weekend this weekend yey, but i have a feeling it's gonna be really blah! oh well i'll just have to make it not blah! i'll throw a jalepeno in my burrito or something... haha ok srry weird analogy, but ya, i need to do something like that. |
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| you wanna know how deep my soul goes... deeper than bones |
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| 02:50pm 31/03/2004 |
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mood:  twisted
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howdy people, it's been a while, haven't had that much too exciting stuff to say i do have a poem i wanna edit a bit and them put on here soon, if i get around to doing that sometime soon.... yes well things have been better lately for those people who knew i was kinda bummed out as of late... except that i lost my glasses, ugh!! i have no idea where they disappeared to, i kno i wore them insie but i musta put them somewhere and i cannot find them anywhere! it makes school kinda extra hard cuz im blind!! ugh it makes me mad when i can't find stuff. gosh, i've been so draggy today, i need caffiene badly, i want starbucks and a hot tub <--- because my muscles are sore too, i've been working out kinda a lot lately, finally actually making a real effort to get in shape, surprised? yea me too but i'm actually gonna stick with it, i have some sick twisted motivation behind it but hey u don't wanna try to untangle the mind of a former anorexic/builimic, god i hate my twisted severely messed up views of food and body image :-\ cuz it's just like this whole different person inside of dorea, i hate who i turn into when i give into that other person, except that she means business and gets stuff done, but for all the wrong reasons... |
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Read 6 - Post |
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| Gain of Heart by Dorea N. |
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| 10:26pm 21/03/2004 |
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mood:  creative
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Touches soft, an invigorating warmth
A trip around the endless earth
A walk up on the once mournful moon
Your eyes scream glory to me
And your passion pours into me
The sweet simple sounds of music play
A rising smile brings pleasure to the day
Lost in oblivion, immune to the sounds of the world
Into a hurricane I am hurled
But intranced & embraced by its startling strength
Its winds speak its truth
And its rains bring its healing
Rushing waters spring forth, send me not reeling
With the pounding of a heart
A sudden stop and start
My blood pulsating
My soul elating
Visions of you burst into my dreams
I cling to them as it seems I delve into deeper layers of you
Take me as I am
My own sacrifice, will suffice
But to be cherished
In a deep river red, never perished
There is no loss of life
Only gain of heart. |
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| aburrido....(which translates to boring for all you non-espanolers out there) |
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| 03:25pm 10/03/2004 |
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mood:  sick
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wow ok ya so I'm bored here in bmo once again, where i always update my wonderful journal that you all love reading so much, yes i kno you all make a mad dash to your computers every day when you get home just to check and see if dorea updated her journal haha... ok so ya this week is seeming to go by uber slow, figures with spring break in basically 2 more days ahhhh! So hmm i need to go to Hobby Lobby tonight and get a frame tonight for the poster thingy I am making for my bf's bday ya its gonna be cool :) well after school i have to make up this quiz in spanish so i guess i should be craming in some extra study time for that but i dont feel like it so blah! I'm so sleepy, i havent gotten any restful sleep lately because of this awful cough i have its disgusting i've been coughing up my right lung and in the middle of the night it interrupts my sweet dreams not to mention i have no speaking bvoice and i miss my singing voice so much! So everyone hope i get better soon! it's not cool to be sick! |
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| Blah! |
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| 05:18pm 07/03/2004 |
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mood: bored
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man i'm soooo bored, eeek only one more week of school then spring break! but i kno it's gonna go by super slow poo poo :( man i wanna go do something I need to get outta the house!!! gahhhh! my head is going to explode from boredom here in a second... |
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| woo hoo I LOOOOOOVE this song, it makes me happy! read it! |
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| 02:18pm 04/03/2004 |
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mood: jubilant
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Ten pounds too much to the naked eye
I don't take the bus because she drives
Watermelon lipstick, and way too much
She got buttermilk smile and a thorny touch
Street smart, like a Courtney Love
Can't get enough Hollywood stories of
Anybody famous that can make her feel
Like they're all kinda friends in a way
No best friend, well one but she's crazy
Grew up to end up a Professor of lazy
The last of six kids that all left town
Seems nobody ever wanted them around
But she's cool like a soda can sittin' on ice
Always orders sushi, only eats the rice
Talks about J Lo like they're best of friends
I think she loves me, but it all depends
Hey baby, I don't wanna be your Superman
I just wanna be your man and I'll be super, baby
You'll be standin' in the sun shine
I'll be standin' right here in the rain
You save me and I will save the day
I got a sweet gig rakin' in the cash with karaoke
I get the crowd goin' when I sing the hokey pokey
I shake it to the
left and then I shake it to the right
What's not to love, man I'm on tonight
I got the LA stylie with the New York trim
Keep my pants so low
It's like I'm goin' for a swim
I got the Coppertone tan, like in Mexico
Well, not now but when I go, yea
Hey baby, I don't wanna be your Superman
I just wanna be your man and I'll be super, baby
You'll be standin' in the sun shine
I'll be standin' right here in the rain
You save me and I will save the day
I know you don't see me like a movie star
And it can't help much that I don't have no car
But you're my favorite thing, by far
That's gotta count for something
Hey baby, I don't wanna be your Superman
I just wanna be your man and I'll be super, baby
You'll be standin' in the sun shine
I'll be standin' right here in the rain
You save me and I will save the day
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| the heat is broke down open door ways |
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| 02:19pm 27/02/2004 |
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mood:  bouncy
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can we try and take the high road though we don't know where it ends, i wanna be your crystal baller!!!... haha ok ya so im bored in bmo on a friday afternoon...last class of the day can someone say this is gonna be a looooong hour and a half, maybe i'll play text twist on yahoo or something, i would play dynomite but she says we have to play thinking games if we play games... blah, well ya i don't foresee anything exciting this weekend... i hope someone proves me wrong about that! ya well i did not go to school yesterday cuz i fainted yesterday morning while getting ready for school and i just felt lightheaded and blah... so ya it was kinda weird. um a dog followed me home yesterday on my walk, i've lost 7 pounds and um I started writing and awesome new book which i am loving and other than that nothing is new really...ya so third eye blind now will save me from my boredom the rest of this class period! |
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kittyloveteddy's journal
